This holiday season was much different than the past for many reasons. To start being down south instead of back home was a change. It sure didn’t feel like the holidays without the freezing temperatures as the weather was really warm. This year I spent all the holidays away from my family, but I was very grateful to be at sober living instead of long term treatment. And obviously the biggest change was being clean and sober. No brown liquor or powder this year… I really did not know what to expect given all of the above.
We did have a Christmas tree at our sober house which was a nice reminder it was the holiday season. My mother also sent me chocolate chip cookies that she baked which reminded me of home. There were a few people going home from the holidays and a few people in quarantine. I got anxiety even thinking about going back home so I was more than fine being here. The pandemic still put somewhat of a damper on things like last year. Although I didn’t really see anyone except my parents last year for Christmas, and I can’t remember the last time I was around so many people for the holidays. This year both Christmas and New Year’s Eve would fall on a Friday.
I woke up on Christmas Eve like any other day. I went to volunteer at ABCCM which is a food pantry in downtown Asheville. It did remind me a little of when I would be in the office on that day as there was a feeling of a holiday break. They were giving out turkeys and what not so people could still enjoy Christmas. When I was getting ready to leave, someone stopped me in the parking lot and was telling me how they just got out of jail in time to spend the holidays with their family. It was a good reminder how much worse things could be and to have some gratitude. That night, when we were on the way to an AA meeting downtown most things were closed except the bars. I thought about how I usually spent most holiday nights at a pub by my house with a bunch of strangers with the same intention. I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about drinking; the urge went away after talking about it at the meeting and realizing I wasn’t the only one. The night ended with stopping at McDonalds and staying up late watching TV.
Christmas morning we were allowed to sleep late and take it easy. It was nice to have a day off from the routine I am used to. It was 74 degrees outside so it was somewhat surreal. Ronan got everyone gifts which was a surprise for me at least. I caught up with my friends and parents at home to see what I was missing. I honestly expected it to be a depressing day, but it turned out to be alright. We couldn’t have a party at the house because of Covid; so we ordered a whole lot of Chinese food. It was probably the first year since the late 90’s that I didn’t go see a drug dealer with whatever money I had Christmas night…
A few days before the New Year I decided it was time to find a job. I really didn’t want to put too much time into finding a part time recovery job as most pay about the same. There definitely was humility in submitting a resume with 16 years experience as a computer programmer to work at the local supermarket. I was pretty excited to get an interview, and even put on a tie before going in to talk to the manager. I was psyched when I found out that I could work in the butcher department. Might as well learn a new skill and should be fun. Tomorrow is my first day and I surprisingly am a little nervous as I haven’t worked since March 2021.
New Year’s Eve sober was a day I thought I never would experience. I had heard about a NA party a couple weeks ago at a meeting. The flyer stated there would be a speaker, food, raffle, and dancing. Shit after not going to any social gatherings the whole year being in treatment it was something to look forward to. Luckily the house managers Matt and Alex were happy to take us there. It was a fun scene being in Asheville and was similar to a high school dance. It wasn’t as hard as I thought, socializing sober and even met a couple people similar to me. Nice being somewhere that people don’t judge you for being at a halfway house and having ruined your life with drugs. Got home right before midnight and was out like a light without substances… Having made it through New Year’s without using felt like a milestone. I didn’t make any false resolutions this year.
2021 was a shit show and the worst year of my life so I am glad it’s over. I am running on borrowed time so I am more than grateful to make it to 2022. Things are slowly starting to go back to normal and I almost got 9 months sober. My sponsor told me to enjoy life for now with zero responsibility and focus on recovery which is something I need to remind myself of… It’s really the small things that help me get through the day. Having a lot of friends and people here makes it much easier to get through time like the holidays sober.