My name is Joe and I’m an Alcoholic and an Addict who liked to smoke crack cocaine
(Hey, you can’t talk about that kind of shit in an AA meeting, bellowed in a crusty old timer!! The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop DRINKING!) God-damn Addicts he muttered under his breath, but I heard him because I was sitting right next to him. My sponsor was right next to me and whispered to me about the old guy,” he’s what we call a bleeding deacon,” to which I nodded and smiled in agreement, like I knew what that meant! I googled it later.
Bleeding Deacon
A person who believes himself indispensable to a group. Especially a person who becomes so over-involved in a groups internal management, policies, or politics as to lose sight of its larger goals; (hence) a person with a negative, moralizing character, who acts like the sole source of wisdom.
My name is Joe I am an addict and I have been sober for 6 months
(Hey man this is NA we say CLEAN here, and we give hugs said a young-looking dude in a white t-shirt with” Clean and Serene” emblazoned on the front.) He also had an oversized gold chain with a diamond shaped NA symbol for those who missed the message displayed on his shirt. I guessed he was an old timer carefully policing the verbiage, not unlike the old guy at the AA meeting,
Over the years I have witnessed lots of similar incidences at 12 step meetings while living in Tampa FLA and Brandon where I got sober/clean. I started drinking alcoholically as a teenager and progressed to China white while living in New York city and then Cocaine and everything else in New Orleans in the nineties and early 2000’s. In 2008 I moved to Asheville with 4 years without a mood- or mind-altering substance in my system and ready to check out the meetings in my new area. Over the course of my recovery at that time I made it a point of reading up about the history of NA and AA and had already discovered the wonderful All Inclusivity of CA (cocaine Anonymous) Tradition 3 of Cocaine Anonymous “The only requirement for C.A. membership is a desire to stop using cocaine AND ALL OTHER MIND-ALTERING SUBSTANCES.”
Two incidences stuck out to me and happened only weeks apart, one was at a meeting in Henderson County at the old town group of AA, where myself and a friend showed up, were welcomed, and told immediately they wanted NO TALK ABOUT DRUGS PERIOD! We left IMMEDIATELY, not because we intended talking about drugs but because we felt we had been judged upon our appearance. I have not been nor intend on returning, meetings are in my mind a safe place to attend and be a part of, not to be judged and feel less than! Fresh in my mind was the experience at the Old Town meeting as I got on I40 headed west out of Asheville to a town called Waynesville where I’d attend a noon meeting in the basement of a church. The beauty of meetings is that you can go anywhere in the world and find fellowship, and here I chose a 25-minute ride out of Asheville to do just that, even better, it was a big book beginners meeting, I might find a sponcee! At that time, I particularly favored literature meetings because they stuck to a topic and help a better understanding of steps in my experience. So, the format was that we went around the table and read a little and shared on what we read, nothing more but that simple task! There were about 3 newcomers and 15 others, so it looked like it was going to run smoothly and I was happy to have discovered this meeting! It was about the 3rd person’s turn to read, and he only read about 2 sentences in what I could only describe as half heartedly shared on what he read with even less vigor. This poor man I thought, must be going through something he seems really disconnected. I was wrong because as he spoke again after a contemplative pause, and it was like something had possessed him!!! “I don’t care what anyone thinks but I get my direction from the real Big Book(the Bible) and the teachings of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior” WTF I was mouth wide open, but not only because of what he said but the response of the majority of the group was affirmative by their head nodding, I even heard a “Praise Jesus” thrown in for good measure. Long story short, it became my turn to speak, and I had the right to silence, remembering if you’ve nothing nice to say……. but opted out of silence, I have a responsibility to the newcomer. Discretion is the greater part of valor; I know this but at that time and still sour from my Old Town meeting experience made the decision that it was my duty to go in guns blazing. I felt confident in what I was about to do because it involved an escape plan, I’d share immediately followed by an indignant retreat to my car. I told the group I was shocked and appalled at the lack of responsibility towards the newcomers, we are a spiritual not a religious group. What if this was someone’s first meeting, would they be left with the impression AA is a religious cult? What if someone was of a different religion and offended by a Christian crusade at a noon meeting? I addressed this and more and dropped a couple of” F bombs as adjective/intensifier” and left.
So what’s the best way to find the meeting that will serve me best? Where do I feel most comfortable?
There are many different meetings to suit all comfort levels, sometimes the name of the group will give me that answer be it Men’s meetings, Women’s meeting, Young people’s groups, LGBTQ meetings. What is important is to find the one I will like and make it my home group. Having a home group gives me an opportunity to make new friends, engage in service work and be vulnerable amongst a group of caring alcoholics and addicts who will always be there for me, especially when life shows up and the shit hits the fan, I can lean on the group for support. Despite my negative experiences I can safely say I have not been to a bad meeting, simply because now I can look back and see what I have learned from each experience. I have over the years been encouraged by my sponsor to use every opportunity to grow. In AA’s Big Book is a go to for me and I often must return to it for guidance, “We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant ourselves. We missed the reality and the beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some of its trees”
Slainte